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What are toxic emotions, and how do they prevent healing and moving forward? Toxic emotions are negative feelings that manifest within our body, mind, and spirit. They become harmful when they drive us into a state of suffering, which can be challenging to get out of and can lead to mental and physical harm. Learning to control some emotions is imperative, especially when moving on from divorce and other traumas to building a new and happy life.
The most common negative emotions associated with trauma and difficult life situations are fear, anger, guilt, and sadness/grief. In most cases it is normal to experience these or other negative emotions. For example, divorce can be compared to death, and there is a significant separation between the “we” of the partnership and the new “me”. We entwined our lives with each other, including dreams and futures, so when suddenly someone is no longer a part of “us,” it can be painful and lead to toxic feelings. Similarly, whenever we feel hopeless, negative, or unhappy in life, toxic emotions keep us trapped and unable to heal. The lesson is to prevent emotions from becoming toxic.
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Since it’s normal to experience negative emotions about trauma or difficult life events, the first rule of thumb is to allow yourself to feel them, whatever they are. Feel sad, feel angry, sad, hurt, scared, guilty or lost…these feelings need to be acknowledged. You can cry, punch the pillow, act hard, scream, or any non-threatening release that helps relieve the tension caused by these feelings. If the feelings are dangerous, make you feel so helpless that you cannot function, or have thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else or ending your life, you should seek professional help immediately.
At some point – a time that may be different for each person – you must let go of these feelings and move on.
This is one of the biggest feelings people going through trauma have. It can also haunt people who face difficult times, such as the loss of a job or home or the death of a loved one. It’s easy to worry about what the new life will look like after trauma. where will you live? How will you pay the bills? In the case of a divorce, the stay-at-home parent may have to return to the workforce for the first time in years, which is scary.
Being alone is also scary – who will take care of you when you are sick or need help? What about the responsibilities of parenting, the desire to minimize the impact of divorce on the children, and coming up with a plan for co-parenting amicably? There is also a fear of being alone for life (this is especially true with women and even has a name).
No matter what the trauma or life situation that led to the toxic emotions, when we feel afraid and stuck, it actually holds us back from healing, and the longer we hold on to this fear nurture within our body, mind and soul, the more troubles there are. Suffering can be both physical and mental. You can remember a time in your life (even as a child) when you were so afraid of something or someone that you had a stomach ache or experienced some other type of stress – imagine Consider what can happen over time when we let fear fester – it’s like an open wound that isn’t cleaned and treated.
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Anger is another common emotion experienced by people who experience trauma and major life changes. Since many people do not understand how to begin the healing process, it becomes easy to blame others or the universe for their fate. In the case of a divorce, many people will blame the ex-spouse instead of looking for answers. To blame is to deny responsibility Self and happiness itself, which leads to stagnation and an inability to heal and be happy.
Anger saps our energy, and it can lead us into a state of suffering. In this state, we believe that everything happens To us instead of realizing that we are Only Those who have control over our lives, we are unable to take the reins and change our lives. Angry feelings can increase blood pressure and lead to a number of physical and mental/emotional ailments, such as poor focus and lack of energy, physical pain and depression, rapid weight gain or incidence, and increased risk of hurting oneself or others. Lack of desire, extreme exhaustion, and motivation, to name a few. This is not the way to be well or to be happy.
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Many traumas or difficult situations can produce feelings of guilt. Divorce is one example, especially since we have been programmed to believe that it is wrong or bad and that marriage lasts forever. Many people grew up with these messages from religion, culture or family beliefs. Sometimes, we may not even recognize that what we have been taught throughout our lives has limited influence on our thoughts.
Guilt is normal when it comes to divorce, and it is important to allow ourselves to feel it and recognize where it comes from so that we can change our mindset and accept that the lessons we were taught are not reality. . This usually involves diving deep into the past, especially childhood traumas.
When feeling guilty for having “caused” a trauma or major life change, that mindset must be examined and changed. Using divorce as an example, marriage is a partnership, and even if one of the parties does things that do not support the marriage, there are still two people involved; Both the parties in the relationship need to work together at all times. Most marriages break up long before the divorce is filed; One study indicates that the time limit is six years.
Other situations and traumas can also produce feelings of guilt, such as physical and verbal abuse. Many victims of abuse feel that they must have done something wrong to trigger the abusive behavior towards them, and this is accompanied by fear (of reprisal, of being left alone, of the partner going to jail, etc.). This is why many victims of abusive relationships don’t leave.
grief and sorrow
These are the most common toxic emotions in relation to trauma, loss, and major life changes. For example, it is normal to feel sad and grieve over a marriage or the death of a loved one. Embarking on a healing journey will reduce these feelings. Although they never go away completely, they will dissipate with treatment, and it is possible to build a new life and be happy, regardless of the circumstances or changes.
Preventing negative emotions from becoming toxic is within our control and our can learn How to remove obstacles. Each stage has several subsections that may require the assistance of a divorce coach or therapist.
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Steps to Overcoming Negativity and Toxicity to Focus on Healing
- Let go of people, thoughts and situations that don’t work for you
- be healthy body, mind and soul (healthy eating, exercise, breathing, journaling, spending time in nature).
- Express gratitude (especially when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Think of at least 3-5 things you are grateful for)
- Get out of your comfort zone and try something new (take a class, volunteer, learn something – Outside home, not computer)
- Focus on the present, not the past – The past is over, and nothing can be done to change it, so don’t waste energy on how it could have been…
- Replace negative thoughts and actions with positive thoughts, repeat this until it becomes the norm – start telling yourself that you are who you are by doing affirmations, journaling, meditation and doing activities that make you happy want to be; We are what we believe ourselves to be!
- Evaluate your support network and make sure you have the right people – Many of the people in our support network don’t really support us. People who love you should respect your choice and should not try to tell you anything They Think what you should or shouldn’t do.