“Game of Thrones” Recap

In this thrilling installment of “Game of Thrones” there is exciting ploy after exciting ploy.  North of the Wall brings us to witnessing a beating of Jon Snow by Craster the Molester because he saw the sacrifice of the baby from last week.  Jon goes to the Lord Commander and complains about how Craster the Molester is killing off young boys.  Of course everyone knows this already and the Lord Commander explains to Jon that it is a necessary service that has saved the lives of the brothers of the Night’s Watch.

The brothers are finally kicked off of the homestead. Sam and Gilly have been involved in a low-key flirting extravaganza, but Gilly has to leave and looks a little annoyed because nothing has materialized.  He still gives her his mother’s thimble, but not permanently.

Meanwhile in Winterfell Bran is having tons of dreams where he becomes his direwolf Summer.  Bran gets to run, kill animals, and jump through the woods despite the fact that he is actually unable to watch.

Bran tells Luwin and explains that he thinks the dreams are real.  Of course, Luwin thinks they are fake and states that the dragons and giants are long dead and gone whether or not they really are.

Back at Renly’s Camp there is an epic fight between two knights. Seemingly obsessed with wanting to be king and gain the Iron Throne, Renly Baratheon enjoys wearing a crown while sitting on a platform and watching a knight-fight tournament.

To everyone’s surprise the winner of the battle is a woman with short hair named Brienne of Tarth. The loser is Loras Tyrell who has previously been revealed to be the lover of Renly.

Brienne demands that she is let into the kingsguard elite because she won.  She is incredibly massive and it makes sense that she should be let on. Renly is hesitant to admit her.

Suddenly Catelyn Stark shows up to sort things out.  Brienne gets upset because Lady Start does not call Renly ‘your grace,’ but she gets defensive and states that Renly is fighting a war rather than ‘playing one.’

Back in Pyke the secret plan of Balon Greyjoy is revealed. He plans to attack the north when Robb Stark is fighting the Lannisters.  Theon had gone to Pyke so that he could have him help his other family, but now he is forced to support one or the other.  Theon also is only allotted one ship, hilariously named The Sea Bitch, with which he could raid fishing villages.  Yara on the other hand gets thirty ships to completely conquer and destroy the northern coast.

Theon is stuck in a bind and almost warns his loving family who he was given away to, but then he decides to go ahead and join the Iron Islands people, who he was born into.

At the King’s landing Shea is annoyed and refuses a kitchen job to help her hide her real one: prostitution.

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